Zack Fair (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fairlyheroic) wrote2011-03-12 04:44 pm
fairlyheroic) wrote2011-03-12 04:44 pm
SOTU
IDK if this is coherent or not but I've been wanting to write one and I sat down and accidentally a million words. :V
Sooooooo, before memory shenanigans, Zack was in a mood. He had just learned Aeris had been booked, and while it didn't have a HUGE EFFECT OR ANYTHING but it was still someone he remembered, and it's a significant memory too so it was like :((( this cute girl I remembered is in the book, uwah.
THEN THREE'S GAME HAPPENED. And Three is probably the only existence in Aather that Zack absolutely hates. YES THAT'S RIGHT ZACK FAIR HATES SOMETHING. He doesn't like the horrible games she's run (the previous and this one) nor that the teams are forced into making these horrible decisions, and he really, really hates how it effects someone. So he was pretty pissed off during the entire game.
And then a bunch of people he loved died and he got even more pissed/upset. 8| BECAUSE ZACK IS SOMEONE WHO NEEDS TO BE HELPFUL. Memory or not, it's just something he wants to do, so just sitting there and offering support is . . . something he really needs to do, but it's not enough to him. He sat with Sharon and Break flipped out and he saw Guy's tiny flipping out and it was just like - BAM. YOU CAN'T DO MUCH IN THIS SITUATION and it really bothers him! And he isn't someone who gets angry often, so he . . . really can't handle it all that much. He doesn't have memories of how he DOES handle getting angry, he's so used to being cheerful and friendly and optimistic, and so his previous feelings going into the game plus this put him in a really bad place.
And then he took his memory. :'D
I RAMBLED ABOUT IT IN HIS WRITE-UP BUT I'MA RAMBLE MORE. Zack remembered four years of experiments and Hojo and Cloud and horrible, horrible things, and well, heeeee kind of lost it a bit, in that it was just so overwhelming he ended up derping out for a few days - and he's still derping out! DO NOT BELIEVE ZACK FAIR'S LIES. But he's been better at covering it up the more he gets a hold of himself and what with the whole being the embodiment of I AM OKAY in his mind he isn't about to let on that he isn't okay to most people, and he certainly won't act it. He's also been talking to a lot of people since then, which gives him more to focus on rather than sitting by himself and zoning out.
But no, Zack is not okay at all. The memory itself has a heavy focus on Zack being there for Cloud, talking him through things and telling him it's okay and Zack kind of forgets 90% of the time to worry about himself, no matter how bad he feels or how horrible things are. But he doesn't have that dependency on focusing on Cloud in Aather - there is no Cloud in Aather, so not only has he lost that focus, he's lost it in regards to himself, too. Because Zack didn't do all of that just for Cloud, even if it was the main point - it was for himself too, to the point where he started to actually believe it for real, rather than saying it to help get through things.
One thing about this memory too is that Zack remembered how to SMILE THROUGH HORRIBLE THINGS AND CONTINUE TO BE SUPER OPTIMISTIC and. That's what he's going to do! This isn't saying he's full-on LYING LIAR FACE ^_^ EVERYTHING IS OKAY like SOME liarfaces. But he won't be as prone to having ALL THE FEELINGS about ALL THE THINGS and he'll be able to deal with things he really couldn't deal with before. And he'll definitely try to turn all focus off of himself and onto other people, because that is what he does. It isn't to say he doesn't have any concern for himself! It's just not his first priority. Or his second. Or third, or fourth, or fifth . . .
So as of right now, Maleficent plot not withstanding, Zack is . . . about as good as he's gonna get. He's definitely upset by the memory, and really angry about it, and hurt and betrayed because HIS COMPANY IS THE ONE WHO DID ALL OF THAT and he doesn't remember escaping or why he was there. His trust in the Personae have been shaken up a bit too, as he views them as bosses and well . . . ShinRa kind of fucked him and Cloud over.
But on the other hand, unless people ask - and only certain people get the actual truth - he'll be "okay" and "just like he was before" and all of that. Unfortunately this is how he deals with things, and to be honest he just - doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He wants to be okay and for people to stop worrying about him and for life to just move on. He's also like SUPER IN LOVE with the people who did talk to him while he was really badly out there, and just. He isn't sure how to deal with concern like that being directed back at him now?? But it really made him realize just how important those people are too him. 8(
So tl;dr Zack is not as okay as he lets on, and as the plot moves on . . . idk. WE SHALL SEE.
So Goku died!
. . . yeah okay so this SOTU won't be nearly as long as Zack's because GOKU IS OKAY. He is actually BETTER than he was before the game and that's . . . really bad to say but it's true. XD
Basically CITRINE DECIDED TO PUT THEMSELVES LAST BECAUSE THEY CAN HANDLE IT BETTER and then they had a furniture battle that got interrupted and they died. :'D Goku is TEN TIMES MORE OKAY WITH THIS than I thought he'd be, and a lot of it is Citrine's influence. He just - he loves his team! And if they're okay with something, so is he. It isn't that he can't think for himself and go NO THIS IS NOT GOOD GUYS he just has that much confidence in his team that if they make a decision, it's the right one for them.
He also understands that he super upset a lot of people what with dying and all, but that's kind of . . . idk. HE DOESN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY? He feels bad, and he will feel bad if it ever comes up, but it's that kind of feeling bad that goes along with that sense of No, we did the right thing, and we'd do it again if we had to.
But yes ikkou being super upset aside, Goku came out of that game ALL OKAY. Gojyo did give him something to think on though, so he'll be juuuust a little wary of people ruffling his hair because of the diadem -b because Gojyo told him that's his limiter and that it broke when he went berserk and THERE IS NO WAY HE IS LETTING THAT HAPPEN HERE IN AATHER. He doesn't know what it means and he doesn't remember a lot about it, it's just something he's firmly decided on. He doesn't want to put his important people at risk because his stupid diadem got knocked off or something. 8(
Also Joker brought them food and Lloyd visited and Guy visited and everyone was super concerned about them and it kind of made Goku a little happy because well, they ARE a strong team but it's nice to know that even despite that people will still come check on them. :x
Uh. Questions or whatever are welcoooome.
Sooooooo, before memory shenanigans, Zack was in a mood. He had just learned Aeris had been booked, and while it didn't have a HUGE EFFECT OR ANYTHING but it was still someone he remembered, and it's a significant memory too so it was like :((( this cute girl I remembered is in the book, uwah.
THEN THREE'S GAME HAPPENED. And Three is probably the only existence in Aather that Zack absolutely hates. YES THAT'S RIGHT ZACK FAIR HATES SOMETHING. He doesn't like the horrible games she's run (the previous and this one) nor that the teams are forced into making these horrible decisions, and he really, really hates how it effects someone. So he was pretty pissed off during the entire game.
And then a bunch of people he loved died and he got even more pissed/upset. 8| BECAUSE ZACK IS SOMEONE WHO NEEDS TO BE HELPFUL. Memory or not, it's just something he wants to do, so just sitting there and offering support is . . . something he really needs to do, but it's not enough to him. He sat with Sharon and Break flipped out and he saw Guy's tiny flipping out and it was just like - BAM. YOU CAN'T DO MUCH IN THIS SITUATION and it really bothers him! And he isn't someone who gets angry often, so he . . . really can't handle it all that much. He doesn't have memories of how he DOES handle getting angry, he's so used to being cheerful and friendly and optimistic, and so his previous feelings going into the game plus this put him in a really bad place.
And then he took his memory. :'D
I RAMBLED ABOUT IT IN HIS WRITE-UP BUT I'MA RAMBLE MORE. Zack remembered four years of experiments and Hojo and Cloud and horrible, horrible things, and well, heeeee kind of lost it a bit, in that it was just so overwhelming he ended up derping out for a few days - and he's still derping out! DO NOT BELIEVE ZACK FAIR'S LIES. But he's been better at covering it up the more he gets a hold of himself and what with the whole being the embodiment of I AM OKAY in his mind he isn't about to let on that he isn't okay to most people, and he certainly won't act it. He's also been talking to a lot of people since then, which gives him more to focus on rather than sitting by himself and zoning out.
But no, Zack is not okay at all. The memory itself has a heavy focus on Zack being there for Cloud, talking him through things and telling him it's okay and Zack kind of forgets 90% of the time to worry about himself, no matter how bad he feels or how horrible things are. But he doesn't have that dependency on focusing on Cloud in Aather - there is no Cloud in Aather, so not only has he lost that focus, he's lost it in regards to himself, too. Because Zack didn't do all of that just for Cloud, even if it was the main point - it was for himself too, to the point where he started to actually believe it for real, rather than saying it to help get through things.
One thing about this memory too is that Zack remembered how to SMILE THROUGH HORRIBLE THINGS AND CONTINUE TO BE SUPER OPTIMISTIC and. That's what he's going to do! This isn't saying he's full-on LYING LIAR FACE ^_^ EVERYTHING IS OKAY like SOME liarfaces. But he won't be as prone to having ALL THE FEELINGS about ALL THE THINGS and he'll be able to deal with things he really couldn't deal with before. And he'll definitely try to turn all focus off of himself and onto other people, because that is what he does. It isn't to say he doesn't have any concern for himself! It's just not his first priority. Or his second. Or third, or fourth, or fifth . . .
So as of right now, Maleficent plot not withstanding, Zack is . . . about as good as he's gonna get. He's definitely upset by the memory, and really angry about it, and hurt and betrayed because HIS COMPANY IS THE ONE WHO DID ALL OF THAT and he doesn't remember escaping or why he was there. His trust in the Personae have been shaken up a bit too, as he views them as bosses and well . . . ShinRa kind of fucked him and Cloud over.
But on the other hand, unless people ask - and only certain people get the actual truth - he'll be "okay" and "just like he was before" and all of that. Unfortunately this is how he deals with things, and to be honest he just - doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He wants to be okay and for people to stop worrying about him and for life to just move on. He's also like SUPER IN LOVE with the people who did talk to him while he was really badly out there, and just. He isn't sure how to deal with concern like that being directed back at him now?? But it really made him realize just how important those people are too him. 8(
So tl;dr Zack is not as okay as he lets on, and as the plot moves on . . . idk. WE SHALL SEE.
So Goku died!
. . . yeah okay so this SOTU won't be nearly as long as Zack's because GOKU IS OKAY. He is actually BETTER than he was before the game and that's . . . really bad to say but it's true. XD
Basically CITRINE DECIDED TO PUT THEMSELVES LAST BECAUSE THEY CAN HANDLE IT BETTER and then they had a furniture battle that got interrupted and they died. :'D Goku is TEN TIMES MORE OKAY WITH THIS than I thought he'd be, and a lot of it is Citrine's influence. He just - he loves his team! And if they're okay with something, so is he. It isn't that he can't think for himself and go NO THIS IS NOT GOOD GUYS he just has that much confidence in his team that if they make a decision, it's the right one for them.
He also understands that he super upset a lot of people what with dying and all, but that's kind of . . . idk. HE DOESN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY? He feels bad, and he will feel bad if it ever comes up, but it's that kind of feeling bad that goes along with that sense of No, we did the right thing, and we'd do it again if we had to.
But yes ikkou being super upset aside, Goku came out of that game ALL OKAY. Gojyo did give him something to think on though, so he'll be juuuust a little wary of people ruffling his hair because of the diadem -b because Gojyo told him that's his limiter and that it broke when he went berserk and THERE IS NO WAY HE IS LETTING THAT HAPPEN HERE IN AATHER. He doesn't know what it means and he doesn't remember a lot about it, it's just something he's firmly decided on. He doesn't want to put his important people at risk because his stupid diadem got knocked off or something. 8(
Also Joker brought them food and Lloyd visited and Guy visited and everyone was super concerned about them and it kind of made Goku a little happy because well, they ARE a strong team but it's nice to know that even despite that people will still come check on them. :x
Uh. Questions or whatever are welcoooome.